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HGolfers
Fore-um
Why oh why must we be subjected to this constant bombardment of Politicians trying to win our vote at elections. Last week one of them tried to kiss my baby hedgehog to sway my opinion, then yesterday lunch time a candidate for the Blue Lagoon Blimp Outrage party, walked into my hall way and began decorating the landing. All this to get me to vote at the next election.
When I asked him to leave he made the lunch, cleaned the lounge and made all of the beds, before reading the kids a bedtime story and re-roofing the shed.
Before he did go he also mended the washing machine and the electrical problem on my laptop, aswell as clearing out my garage, cleaning the car and building a small extension for my elderly mother
Blooming politicians. Self Self Self..
Yours under the waistcoat
My views on rubbish from Dave Ideocorry of Scarthorpe (near Barndadroy, North Srupers)
Like many other folk in the country I pay my own way and expect others to do the same. If I have taxes to pay I pay them and if I am in a place of disrepute, I pay them what I owe them too.
What I can't stand though is this constant rubbish chucking in my Moms loft. The other day I found two fairies, three giant trees, lots of pretty coloured lights, baubles and streamers in numerous boxes which someone had obviously fly tipped there previously.
How my wife and I laughed when my Mom reminded us that they had been up there since last Christmas, when she stored them there.
PS
Who am I again?
Letter from Evelyn All of Stafford
My job keeps me on my toes all day. I am a WPC for the Mid Middle and I can tell you there are some frightening people out there. The other day I was walking through the town centre when an old lady was being badly beaten by a bunch of at least five youths. I must have been there five minutes watching, before anybody lifted a hand to help. I say she was being badly beaten as she fought back and completely knocked all of them out. It then occured to me that if I had been a little more proactive, I might have not have to cooked my own tea that evening, if I had bought a pie from the chip shop.
Keep your eyes peeled
Letter from Gardner Jim Cholestra of Pensnett
I have just about had enough of do gooders who tell me what I can and can't do with my own back. The other day I thought I had caught a chill in my lower spine, but it turned out to be a family of Barn owls, nesting in my pants. Apparently they had crept in there whilst I was mowing the lawn. As these are a protected species I have to give them 3 months notice to evacuate my expensive lingerie.
All I want is a decent nights sleep but I keep getting "hoots" of derision from the smug birds. Still at least they are keeping the mice away from my socks.
Why my Golf Pro is great. From Big hitting Bubba Thumper of Tipton
I have just come in from my garden after cutting my lawn to find my golf clubs in pieces and my wife in bed with the local Golf Pro. He has drawn all of the money out of our joint bank account, bankrupt me and turned my children against me, in one afternoon.
Imagine my delight though as he has also cured my slice, with a few simple words. Now that is a real pro
Letter from Mr (Golfer) Smith of Rowley Regis
My next door neighbours name is Smith, the same as mine. This is at best confusing and we have discussed how to resolve the matter. I have suggested that he change his name by deed pole, to something a little more distinctive like Bandybottle or Struthcast, but he refuses to do this.
What is this country coming to when you have such unhelpful neighbours